I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
