i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need a beard to bite.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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