I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
