theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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