HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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