Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize