She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
