I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
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