I just cut my nipple shaving
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
