oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We have started to decorate penises.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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