i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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