she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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