we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
