I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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