This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
