im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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