We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
