1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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