It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
