every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
