so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
