Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
