drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
