I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
3pm strippers are depressing
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
