I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
