i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
