while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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