we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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