New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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