you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
