Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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