I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
