I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
