he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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