i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
