You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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