I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
