i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
