I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
