discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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