Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
