I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
