Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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