Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Randomize
