I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's blow job season.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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