It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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