Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
