bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
