No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
