if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
