Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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