new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
