did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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