Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
