He is an equal opportunity slut.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
