did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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