Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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