M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
