as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
