"it" just moved
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
