If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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