What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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