I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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