i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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