last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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