Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
