Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
