Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
