my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
