Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize