i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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