Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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