No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
