saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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