Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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