Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
